Resident Oglers

One BIG reason why I tend to avoid going to the kedai kopi downstairs is because of the horde of dispatch riders otherwise known as the Resident Oglers (ROs). Visualise this, a roundtable of old and balding or oily-ponytailed men leering at you as you walk pass them before its leader comes up with an oh-sungguh-creative line that goes like this, “Dah makan dik?” or worse, he refers to you according to the colour of a clothing item on you, “Hey baju biru!” Me thinks excessive consumption of teh tarik and waning youth must have destroyed electrons responsible for chat-up lines in their heads.

My liberties robbed, I began to ponder about the lives of these ROs. Certainly this perverse nature is not exclusive to a specific occupation, race, age group or gender—I, myself, objectify all kinds of meat on the streets. And I ain’t got no issue with men checking out other women, even if it was my own man doing so. As long as its not excessive ogling.

It’s a natural and cherished pastime, only right if it’s done with a bit of subtlety and class. A man with an open-mouthed gawk or one that does a tasteless wolf-whistle followed by a butt grope while in the beer queue is unforgiveable. The slack-jawed ogle and quick top-bottom eye scan combi—my personal favourite—does a better job at triggering happy circuits. And who knows, it might even lead to an exchange of numbers and sex for supper. O oooh.

Shiks came up with these handy pointers during lunch.

1. Never ogle at someone when the partner is within close proximity.
2. Ogle together with your partner. It’s as entertaining as people watching.
3. Ogle at your partner—it’s a major turn-on for them.


Above: Wanted! My favourite ogler!

That aside, I just caught Because I said so. Don’t catch it unless you love being in a woman-dominated corporate comms department—non-stop chatter and unnecessary chaos. It’s like they had to meet a word vomit quota and exceeded it thanks to Diane Keaton. Freedom Writers, was much enjoyable and heartwarming but uncannily similar to Dangerous Minds. I’m suddenly very excited about SIFF!